out
i wonder what they would think if i said it.if i said how i really feel.
not just part of what i am.
but all of it.
my heart on my sleeve instead of tucked in my pocket.
i wonder if they'd scorn.
scowl
shun
spit
swear
label me.
perhaps.
is it worth it?
is it necessary for them to know?
i wonder which is worse, the secrecy or the scorn?
am i lying to them by not telling them who i really am?
am i lying to myself by pretending that i'm not who i dare not say i am?
maybe.
i need to get it out.
i need it out.
out.
but i'm scared.
~np
posted by crooked girl @ 5:44 PM
5 Comments:
what are you?
a one-eyed monster
this scatter poem-like entry was not really aimed at my own release but more encapsulating how i feel at times.
when you are with different people you let only certain amounts of who you are show. sometimes i have the urge to write my essence across my face, thinking of how liberating it would be.
but thats never usually the case. you can't ever be you entire self around everyone.
though sometimes you want to be.
well at least i can't. at least not at the moment. sometimes i feel like it is lying to other people, but ultimately it can be necessary to preserve the integrity of others.
Hey,
Along the theme and thought of a human essence, I start to imagine that we can be less the we that gets affected by a he or she, so when he or she is around, the we we be can be seen.
That age, wisdom and strength stuff is the stuff that beats the battle into a struggle that beats the worry into a snuggle.
You inspired me to write what will be my third Epic poem (thought the first two have not been completed) entitled "The Secretary and the Scorn". It's about desk jobs, and the 9 to 5 blasé withou ever mentioning how or what 'The Secretary' does. 'The Secretary' is also the country, the nation. But only the one that decides formality and professionalism can gain them peace and prosperity, not realizing that such dehumanizing facets of staunch living are just holographs of what everyone STILL longs for, and never finds.
All that, and it grew out my misreading of the word secrecy.
The other two epics: "1:11 @ 111" and "The Railroad Teller".
I hope to share them all someday.
- Bury'ood
- Bury'ood Rile
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